My Top Nine Crazy Roommate Stories

For the Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23 Funniest Roommates Contest I made a video “MY INSANE ROOMMATE” - which you should all vote on (I have 24 hours of self promotion left, so I might as well roll with it). Aside: you can vote once a day, so vote again HERE (using google/youtube account)

So in the spirit of terrible roommates, I give you my terrible roommates stories.  Please share yours in the comments.

1.  The College Seniors who would throw keggers on Friday mornings at 8 am.  The girls would NEVER warn me. Then they would black out by noon, lose their jewelry/phones/clothes and then accuse me of stealing it.

2.  The SAME girls as in Number 1 who would knock on my door at 11pm, saying that my phone rang too loud and it disturbed them.

3.  I lived in a hippy co-op for two years (don’t ask).  We lived with a nudist, who used the van outside as his bedroom, which was totally fine (I ain’t picky).  but then the nudist couch surfers arrived.  I punched one when his junk got a little too close to my face.

4.  The roommate who was “on a diet” and worst of all, the Atkin’s Diet.  She would fry up FOUR SAUSAGES and shove them in her mouth with her pudgy hands.  THEN she’d smoke some weed and order the 5-5-5 deal (Remember that?) from Domino’s.  She would eat all of them to herself.  She wouldn’t share any pizza and then would eat the entire 3 pizzas over the course of 24 hours. In the meantime, the boxes would be placed around her on her bed.  I still can never look at pizza in the same way again

5.  HIPPIES.

6.  The girls I dub “The Trolls”.  Two LARGE sisters who sometimes had maggots growing on their dishes.  When I forgot to do my dishes on my birthday, they had a house meeting to discuss how inconsiderate I am.

7.  A roommate who after complaining for weeks about how she needs to do laundry, appropriates my underwear.  I found this out when I spotted it when she was wearing a mini skirt.  A girl’s gotta learn how to cross her legs.

8.  The Generic Drunk Person: Peed in my closet, forgot that he ate all my corn dogs blacked out, threw up in the shower, threw up in the kitchen sink, threw up in the freezer, hosted a party in my bedroom, etc…

9.  The roommate who threw the toaster against the wall when she found she was getting evicted.

Bad Roommates… Any good stories?

REMEMBER TO VOTE HERE SO I CAN WIN 5 GRAND

 

Burning Man smoldering with Hippie Unrest!

Warning: whenever I mention Burning Man in my blog, the S.S. Burners come out in full force to say that I’m stupid, I don’t “get” the experience and that I’m a self promoter that would never fit in. You know, things that people from an organization that refers to itself as “radically inclusive” would say.  I especially find this funny because when I pseudo-made-fun of Jeopardy fans, they appreciated a little bit of deprecation.  I’ve learned my lesson, hippies kind of suck and they’re weirdly omnipresent on internet message boards.

So, I personally take great joy in the fact that Burning Man has become more mainstream. It allows for people who espouse their generosity and community spirit to show their true colors when they say things like “people who don’t deserve to go now took spots away from artists.”

This year, the organizers held two rounds of ticket lotteries with the second lottery ending today. With this lottery, 40,000 tickets were sold at prices between $240 and $390, with a limit of two tickets per person.  40,000 tickets sure does sound like a lot, right?

Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), because of scalpers, some burners creating multiple accounts and the overall jump in popularity of the even Continue reading

My Tea Partier friend’s rants on Burning Man

For those of you who do not know what Burning Man is, it’s kinda like this:

For those of you who don’t know what the Tea Party Movement is, it’s kinda like this:

Billiam Rooney (name changed) is my 40 year old friend that I play scrabble with every single day.  We mostly play online, which over the course of several hours, allows us to rant about pretty much whatever is on our mind.   Part of the time, it’s Bill letting me know that the eco-nazis are ruining this country.  Part of the time, it’s Bill saying that big government is going to destroy the economy.  Part of the time, it’s one of us ranting, while the other one doesn’t even respond directly to what the other is saying. Example:

Rooney - i just ate some rancid horseradish. ugh..I think I’m gonna puke

Me – i’m crazy multitasking.  doing everything so poorly

Yea, that makes me sound heartless, but in actuality, that’s just how we talk to each other.

So, with Burning Man less than a week away, Billiam found a new favorite topic of conversation: Burners.

On Sunday, Billiam had this to say (through facebook chat)* :

burning man is so stupid.

the last thing on earth I want to do is drive out to a dry lake bed with a bunch of people like Water Emu Tango Squirrel [editor's note: a hippy we both know - name changed] to light an effigy on fire and look at a bunch of big bad art made by SF queers and PAY for the privelege.

there’s not even a band..it’s not even a music festival…

I like the naked chicks though

but they aren’t even bathed

At this point, I did not really respond to or argue with Billiam (it’s useless to do so), but I did inform him “i am so gonna quote you on that” for my blog.  He continued:

Continue reading